Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Everything's Bigger in Texas.

...except my boobs. Sad face.

Ohhhh, today. Today was fantastic. I took a roadtrip with my uncle and grandma to take her home to my old hometown in Vernon, Texas. It's so obscure you've never heard of it. Hipster to the max. My grandma has been at our house since mid November to visit. We took my car and the trip was so fun. Uncle Billy sure can be a fun guy. Here is a short list of the life lessons I learned today.
  1. If FAFSA doesn't cover the majority of my tuition to SC, I have parental consent to make and sell crack cocaine, in fact, it is a suggestion, and my uncle knows people who would make great customers...a.k.a...grandma. 
  2. In the event that I one day stop liking boys and convert to lesbianism, my uncle supports my decision, as long as he gets pictures, and any adopted children he will box up and send them back to wherever the hell they came from.
  3. To avoid using turnpikes that were "built by the communists", we should always take Route 66. And SH-99, SH-62, SH-44, and every other highway to possibly get on to avoid the communists. Always.
  4. My uncle is okay with underage drinking as long as it includes bad-ass cars, cool hair, Lynard Skynard, and strip poker, you know...cool stuff.
  5.  When traveling on an old dark highway while low on gas always tell a zombie joke. Always. Zombies are scary motherf***ers, and are nothing to be messed with...except by my uncle, who is so awesome that he will "walk all over the zombies like Jesus walked on water."
I think he is a great parent, no joke. I say some things about this family that I don't always mean...sometimes in life we don't really realize we have something great until it's gone. I'll be moving in less than a year, far less. And far away. To my wonderful, loving family...Thank you. You guys may be stubborn, hard-headed Republicans, but you guys got some mad love for me, and the feelings there are mutual. Though you all probably don't know what mutual means. If it wasn't for this family I would not be where I am today, they have given me opportunities that I could have never dreamed, and they especially become apparent to me when I go to my hometown and see where all my old friends are in life. Right where I left them. I'm outta here, I has me some dreams an' I'ma go fetch'm.



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